You may find you have less support than you thought after weight loss surgery

Question Below Submitted By:  

Beth (Who Hid the Donuts?) (a patient from Virginia)

I had my surgery three years ago this coming November. I am down 80 pounds, but reality tells me I should have been at goal long ago. I take full responsibility for the choices I’ve made over this time that has either kept me stuck or where I’ve actually gained weight, but I am finally on a losing streak again and am at the lowest post-banded weight I’ve been to date.

The problem? My husband and foodie friends. These are people who loved me when I wanted to eat out all the time. These are also people who were all too willing to suggest my favorite restaurants (killers for me because they’re usually not healthy) on a much-too-regular basis.

Since I’m on a mission like never before, it’s causing a major rift. I find I keep away from foodie friends a lot because their sole purpose is to eat, and it seems to be their only interest in life. Those folks are easy because I can choose to see or not see them.

The problem is my husband. I have gotten extremely resentful of him over the past three months or so because he has been somewhat passive-aggressive in his attempts to get me to do what he wants in relation to eating out. I actually had to yell at him that he is putting his WANTS over my NEEDS, and I’m tired of it.

There are other factors as well that are driving us apart, but a big part of that is that, as I feel better about myself, I realize that I deserve better. When I was heavier, I felt grateful that he was there. I’m becoming stronger, thinner, more independent, and angrier at his attitude. For all intents and purposes, we’re estranged under the same roof. There are many other things going on that are non-food related, but my new-found strength is making me balk at his attitudes and behaviors.

I don’t say this to scare anybody, but I HAD read about this phenomenon when I got banded as well — that relationships oftentimes change because the people you used to surround yourself with were probably food-oriented like you were. Once you become less focused on food, the dynamic must change. If it doesn’t, you’re guaranteed to be stuck where you were.

Anyway, I just ask that any of you who are new in your journeys or who are contemplating some form of bariatric surgery know this going in. For some, this may be a downside to surgery. To others, this may be blessed news. Either way, realize that it MAY become a reality in YOUR life too.

Related Pages:
Relationships After Bariatric Surgery
Life After Weight Loss Surgery
Weight Loss Surgery Support Groups

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[ Last editorial review/modification of this page : 04/17/2018 ]

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