My spouse has been jealous since my weight loss surgery

Question Below Submitted By:  

Karen Etherton (a patient from Trenton Ga)

My husband has always loved me, even when I was at my highest weight. Now that I am dropping the weight (and we are around family and friends who constantly brag on my success and tell me I look so much better), my husband feels insecure.

He is always asking me “Are you going to leave me?” I love my husband very much and I would never leave him. He is very physically fit and a very attractive man.

Even so, I love him so much and his support. But I’m feeling now that I have to tell these people, “please don’t say good things to me cause of the way it makes my husband feel.”


Patient Responses to the Question Above


by: Anonymous

what can I say sad but so so true , i.m just 3months after my sleeve and i have lost 22 kils so far and just about 10 to go, I'm feeling the best that I have felt in years and also looking amazing even if i say so myself :) but wow whats with the jealous hubby? he was all for the sleeve he came with me to pre operation etc but now he has changed to me even sex is less then it was I'm feeling angry etc why??????????


by: Lorraine farrow

My husband at the time hated my new figure and newly found confidence. He turned into a bully. I had to walk around looking at the floor as if I glanced at anyone he would accuse me of sleeping with them. He would also ring work every 5 minutes to check in on me.

He became violent and a huge nightmare so I divorced him. I've now been happy in a new relationship for 6 years and happily married for 2 of them. My new husband loves my new body and has been nothing but supportive through plastics extra. He also loves that men look at me, he sees it as a huge complement :)


To Karen about your husband.

by: Yvonne McCarthy

Karen I'm glad I saw your post.

I've gotten your exact message in probably thousands of messages.

I can help you.

You have to realize that your husband sees people compliment you and your eyes light up like a Christmas tree (as you should).

Your life is changing very fast and his is too.

This causes many men to feel like they are losing their wives and they usually start to isolate and start to resent their wives.

You need to talk about this RIGHT NOW! You cannot go around scared for every time someone will compliment you.

Tell him this will only last a while longer and that you realize it's difficult for him.

Tell him you would like to enjoy this time together and not be scared every time someone says something.

You need to give him lots of extra support.

He's not used to you getting all this attention and he wants to be the one that lights you up like a Christmas tree.

I would suggest he tells you how great looking you are because that's who you need it from.

Tell him you NEED him to be the one giving you attention.

Reinforce him, help him understand.

It is so common.

I hope this helps.Hugs, Y

jealous hubby

by: Julie

I am so sorry you feel this way. I wish I had some insight to give you. Just try to keep in mind this is HIS insecurity. Enjoy the compliments... you've earned them!!!

Jealous husband

by: MS

I too am over 6 years out from having gastric bypass surgery, sometimes it's one of the best things I ever did, even for me and my children and family. But I have a husband that is starting to be very controlling and jealous of my new found self!!

I have more confidence but don't want to show it with him. He checks in with me all the time - where are you? What are you doing? When are you going to be home? Even if I am at work. I have to call the minute I leave, I am at a lost and it is so depressing.

It was never this way before my surgery but now it is overbearing...sometimes I just hate that I had the surgery!!! What's next?? I have totally talked to him about this constantly and I feel like his little robot!!! I feel completely done at this point!!

Husband’s perspective

by: The jealous husband

I follow the comments above and being a husband of gorgeous woman who had the sleeve maybe I can share a different perspective. Odds are that there was some significant time that passed before the operation took place.

During that time, my wife was not happy with who she was. As a husband, I waited patiently for my wife to realize what she wanted and supported her through her decision for the sleeve. Before the sleeve she was very conscious of how she looked, limited her social experiences etc.

Post sleeve, the opposite took place and her social circle and outgoingness increased. I am not insecure that my wife is getting attention, I am irritated that I have to compete for her attention. The fun she is having with others is what I want.

Am I asking for so much? Ladies please remember if that you were miserable before your sleeve, it’s not like your spouse was living it up. Please keep us top of mind with your new found life.

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