Gastric Surgery Candidate, Negative Response From Spouse About My Weight Loss

Question Below Submitted By:  

J (a patient from Bexar)

My wife went on a health kick some 15 years ago. She started riding a high end bicycle lent to her by her step brother. When she really got into it and got to where she would get really anxious if she couldn’t ride, I went ahead a bought her a similarly styled bike of her own.

All was good, she was losing weight, getting in shape, it was remarkable. I would occasionally comment on how well she was doing and good naturedly comment something like: Oh baby you’re looking hot! Pretty hokey but all in fun.

Well a few years later I get the bug, and I go on a very low carb diet with walking 3 miles a night (after the heat of the day). I was very successful, losing over 60 Lbs. I could tie my shoes no prob. While driving, my stomach wasn’t dragging on the steering wheel. But wifey was pissed.

When I mentioned my weight loss or my walking, She would say I was “crazy” or worse yet “stupid”. With that reaction I began to tell her more frequently about my weight loss in order to just piss her off! Well needless to say you can’t use anger for motivation for too long so of course I gained it all back plus another 20 Lbs.

So here I am on the verge of considering gastric surgery with no idea how to handle it with family. I have to realistically consider that this may lead to a split.

So is it worth the possible sacrifice of my marriage? I don’t know if I have enough good years left in me to start over again.

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Patient Responses to the Question Above

Same boat as you!

by: Scoutcr

From the day I was accepted into the Bariatric program at the hospital 6 months ago, my wife has been pissed! We had a huge argument last night about this. She says I do not give her enough support for what she is losing and that her lifestyle will be ruined by my decision.

I am getting the bypass not entirely for weight loss reasons as I have health issues that qualify me. I have diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, had a stroke, and now chronic kidney disease. The DR says I should be fine after the surgery and may never have to go on dialysis. I am now thinking that I may be fine after the operation, but alone and divorced.

My surgery is scheduled in April 2018. I am pressing on because I know this is the best decision for me and for us. How do I cope with her non support and is there anything I can do to get her support?

Wife Unhappy so am I.

by: Steve

I had weight loss surgery as I was 23 stone, (322 lbs), following Thyroid problems. Along with the ecess weight, I had acquired hypertension and Type 2 diabetes. I had the surgery, lost 140 lbs, lost the diabetes and the hypertension and now I am losing my wife. She has got really upset with me. I am no longer the same Steve she married. I am not loving, I am not kind.

She refuses to show any sign of affection and has become very controlling. I feel utterly despondent. Without the surgery, I would probably be dying by now, but at least I would have been loved. Loneliness is a lot worse than being unhealthy and fat.

Supportive so far

by: GMan73

I am on the weight loss journey. My surgery is scheduled for May 7, 2018. With all of the classes, appointments and all, my wife and children have been very supportive.

I have pre-diabetes, sleep apnea and elevated blood pressure. My wife and children have watched a Youtube video of the surgery with me. As time approaches, I am a little nervous, as this is my only, major surgery.

I feel bad for the ones that are on here and I pray for their marriages. I pray for mine as well, as I go through this total change.

To the gentleman that said it would have been better for him to be loved and unhealthy, versus being healthy and alone. Listen, you weren't loved in the first place. If she changed on you like that, knowing the health issues you had, as sad as it may be, you are better off without her. Don't let loneliness kill you.

If push comes to shove and my wife leaves me, as much as I love her, it will be see ya because my health is more important. Everyday, I am thankful for the support, it's has helped me during the rough times of debating back and forth in my mind, whether I should go through with or not.

YOU ARE WORTH IT

by: CHRISTINE

Please consider you weight loss surgery if that is what you want to do. I cant believe someone would be that selfish with you, you are only trying to better yourself and make yourself healthier.

If your wife cant deal with it that's her problem.

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