I have come to many conclusions after my weight loss surgery and trying to live a banded life, and they revolve around my husband and friends. If you are like I was, you probably surrounded yourself with foodies. I have them as friends, and I married one. However, not all are overweight.
It has taken me a long time, but I am finding the strength to tell these people NO when they want me to do things I know are not good for me food-wise. It’s easy (okay, easIER) when it’s foodie friends because you don’t have to hang with them. But when it’s a spouse, it can cause a lot of grief.
My husband and I dated over food for two years. I was a bit overweight (about 160, when my lowest had been 120), but not obese. By the time we got married 2 years later, I was 235 pounds, and over the course of our marriage, I grew to my highest weight of 292 pre-banding. He, on the other hand, gained about 25 pounds.
For the 2 1/2 years of my post-banding life, I really struggled with this relationship — not only the one with him, but the one with him that includes food. Everything for him revolves around food. He can describe a white chocolate bread pudding from Sweetwater like one might describe a fine wine or the Mona Lisa. His eyes glass over and he describes the sensation, the taste, the smell — everything. I have to admit, I’ve gotten jealous because I sometimes believe he loves food more than me.
The other thing I’ve really struggled with, not only while dieting but since being banded, is that I love to eat out — not only because the food can be good, but it means I don’t have to cook. I always did well in the beginning, but he would chip away and say, “Let’s go here,” and I’d eventually fold over time. The next thing I’d know, we were going out or ordering in three or four times a week, and I was back where I started. Even worse, the foodie friends were asking all the time too. I don’t think we’ve ever gotten together when food wasn’t the center of the get-together.
I’m taking a stand these days. Just recently my husband pulled a coupon for a place, a two-for-one. I just decided that I didn’t want to do it. He moped, but I told him to go ahead and go. Last week, they put out another twofer for the same restaurant. His passive-aggressive side came out and he mentioned it, then he said, “Oh, that’s right, you don’t like them.” No, I reminded him, it’s not that — I just don’t want to get back in that habit. Take our foodie friend. No, he didn’t want that… so it was back in my lap. I held firm and told him that he was angering me that he expects me to put aside MY needs for HIS wants. That’s really what it comes down to. I’m not saying he can’t go, but I’m no longer his foodie friend.
Many of you will go through the same thing. Relationships WILL change — and whether it means they adjust or end will depend on a lot of factors. It’s so easy to want to cheat your good eating plan because, if you’re like me, you’ve done it for a long time. They’re bad habits that become difficult to break; and when you have people working like little devils on your shoulder, trying to get you to do what THEY want you to do, it can become sheer agony. I hope if you’re struggling like this that you find the strength (either internally or with the help of others) to combat them. If not, it may take making new friends.