All I Want

by Lucinda Jesmer
(Waterloo NY, 13165 USA)

Today I was thinking about my mother and my grandmother. My grandmother died as a result of diabetes, and I was about 17 or 18 when my mother developed diabetes. My mother was in her mid-40's at the time, which was the age I reached when receiving my diabetes diagnosis.

My mother died about 4 yrs ago the end of this August. She had to have heart surgery. As a result of the surgery (and mother stubbornness), she developed a staff infection and died.

Now I don't want you to get me wrong. I have been dieting for a while. Almost a year now. I haven't lost the weight as fast as I think I should. But the point is that I am losing.

And I believe that as I am taking so long to lose weight, I am learning about me and my body. So maybe I'm more likely to keep it off. Who knows. But trying to get healthy isn't the only reason for dieting.

Ok. I'm just going to say it. MENOPAUSE! If I think I am acting too emotionally about things, I make sure I don't make any major decisions for a few days. But one decision I made was that If I do lose all the weight I want, I'm getting this surgery done.

All I want is to look good in the mirror. Wear awesome clothes. And (of course), men. I would love to be able to look at a man and have him look at me, and maybe there would be more confidence in myself. I know that it takes more than good looks to be appealing to the opposite sex.

So... now more than ever I think it is a good idea to start getting more serious. Exercise more, and start saving money. Get another job.

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